Hugh Hamilton
"Ben?"
"Yes?"
"You know those guys who cruise around in cars at night looking for women?"
"Vaguely…"
"And you know how some of them have those cars that have that back thing for the scantily clad women to dance in?"
"No...but I'll go with it."
"Well if on they off chance they are literate…"
"Yes...?"
"Then they could name their car ‘The Pick-up Truck’."
"That was really terrible."
"Agreed."
"How about we move on to more pressing concerns?"
"OK. I've recently discovered that the key to true wealth is land."
"What?"
"Sure, you can make a profit or two on the side with retail, but the land you own is really what it's all about."
"What?"
"It's just like they say: ‘Treasure is land’."
"What? When do they say that?"
"You know, it's from that book."
"What book?"
"You know, that one with the pirates."
Ben groaned.
"Is that all you've been doing the last couple of weeks?" he said snidely.
"No — well not entirely."
"What else have you been doing then? Formulating a cunning escape plan?"
"No. I've been thinking up what it is you could possibly be spying all the time," biled Hugh.
"Well you're an idiot," counter-biled Ben.
Suddenly the hatch opened and an alien came down bearing water.
"Thanks," said Hugh, taking the glass politely.
"Yes, thanks." Ben did the same.
They sighed and drank.
After a while Grace came down to see them.
"Hello," said Grace.
"Hello," said Ben.
"Hello," said Hugh. "Are you an alien?"
"No," replied Grace.
"Can let us go?" asked Ben.
"No," replied Grace.
There was a neat pause. Hugh fumbled around in his pockets.
"OK," said Grace, taking the 25 dollars from Hugh.
After a brief swim, they found themselves somewhere close to where they usually are and went home.
THE END
Showing posts with label 04 - The Bermuda Whalers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 04 - The Bermuda Whalers. Show all posts
Saturday, December 30, 2006
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XXX
Ben Hansen
Several weeks later...
"I spy with my little eye..."
"Shut UP!"
"Oh, come on."
"We've been playing this game for weeks now."
"You have something better to do?"
"Yes. Sleep."
"Oh, come on..."
"But the answers whale! It's ALWAYS whale! Aside from us, it's the only thing down here!" Hugh indicated the massive hulk of dead blubber that had been thrown in by the whalers shortly after Ben and Hugh.
"It may not be."
"It is, though, isn't it?"
"...Yeah." Ben stretched lazily and said, "Maybe it is time for a nap. You know, considering how long ago we learned the solution to the case, this has been a really freaking long adventure."
"Yep."
"Ah well, g'nite Hugh."
"Night Ben."
A pause.
"Hugh?"
"Yeah?"
"Define literature."
"I hate you."
Several weeks later...
"I spy with my little eye..."
"Shut UP!"
"Oh, come on."
"We've been playing this game for weeks now."
"You have something better to do?"
"Yes. Sleep."
"Oh, come on..."
"But the answers whale! It's ALWAYS whale! Aside from us, it's the only thing down here!" Hugh indicated the massive hulk of dead blubber that had been thrown in by the whalers shortly after Ben and Hugh.
"It may not be."
"It is, though, isn't it?"
"...Yeah." Ben stretched lazily and said, "Maybe it is time for a nap. You know, considering how long ago we learned the solution to the case, this has been a really freaking long adventure."
"Yep."
"Ah well, g'nite Hugh."
"Night Ben."
A pause.
"Hugh?"
"Yeah?"
"Define literature."
"I hate you."
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XXIX
Hugh Hamilton
"No rest for the wicked ay?" Hugh joked.
"Are you referring to us, or our enemies?" asked Ben.
"It depends."
"On what?"
"On your idea of morality."
"Oh." Ben pondered this for a moment. "I guess it boils down to ‘we're right and everyone else is wrong’."
"Agreed," said Hugh, clicking his fingers jovially for extra resonance. "Now how do we get home?"
"I suggest we flag down that old whaling vessel over there," suggested Ben.
And so they did.
"Hello," said Grace before locking them in a dark ratty wine cellar at the bottom of the ship.
"Does this taste funny?" asked Ben cautiously.
"Well what did you expect?" said Hugh. "It's wine-soaked dead rat."
Ben spat out the rat as dignified as possible under the circumstances and wiped his lips.
"No rest for the wicked ay?" Hugh joked.
"Are you referring to us, or our enemies?" asked Ben.
"It depends."
"On what?"
"On your idea of morality."
"Oh." Ben pondered this for a moment. "I guess it boils down to ‘we're right and everyone else is wrong’."
"Agreed," said Hugh, clicking his fingers jovially for extra resonance. "Now how do we get home?"
"I suggest we flag down that old whaling vessel over there," suggested Ben.
And so they did.
"Hello," said Grace before locking them in a dark ratty wine cellar at the bottom of the ship.
"Does this taste funny?" asked Ben cautiously.
"Well what did you expect?" said Hugh. "It's wine-soaked dead rat."
Ben spat out the rat as dignified as possible under the circumstances and wiped his lips.
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XXVIII
Ben Hansen
"Bastards? You must be thinking of our identical twin brothers," Ben said in a nasal accent.
"Shut up, you freaking moron," Grace replied. "You set me up, and I'm going to do something about it."
"Like what?" Hugh asked. "You don't really have time to do anything particularly painful."
"Oh, I'm not going to do it right now," she replied. "I'm going to wait. And every time you think to yourself, does this taste funny? I will have put poison in it. Every time you think, is that shadow a person? The answer will be yes! Every thing you perceive as a possible danger will be one, and I will be responsible."
And then she was gone.
"Do you think that should go on the list?" Hugh asked Ben.
"Yeah, probably," Ben replied. "Bugger, I sprained my ankle."
Hugh, ignoring him, pulled a massive piece of paper and a pen from his pocket. Unfolding the paper, he added Grace's name to the end of a long list, beginning with the words "If Ben and me die, one of these people may be responsible."
"I can't believe you brought that on vacation," Ben remarked.
"Bastards? You must be thinking of our identical twin brothers," Ben said in a nasal accent.
"Shut up, you freaking moron," Grace replied. "You set me up, and I'm going to do something about it."
"Like what?" Hugh asked. "You don't really have time to do anything particularly painful."
"Oh, I'm not going to do it right now," she replied. "I'm going to wait. And every time you think to yourself, does this taste funny? I will have put poison in it. Every time you think, is that shadow a person? The answer will be yes! Every thing you perceive as a possible danger will be one, and I will be responsible."
And then she was gone.
"Do you think that should go on the list?" Hugh asked Ben.
"Yeah, probably," Ben replied. "Bugger, I sprained my ankle."
Hugh, ignoring him, pulled a massive piece of paper and a pen from his pocket. Unfolding the paper, he added Grace's name to the end of a long list, beginning with the words "If Ben and me die, one of these people may be responsible."
"I can't believe you brought that on vacation," Ben remarked.
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XXVII
Hugh Hamilton
Hugh and Ben trotted off merrily as Grace was dragged away behind them.
"Well that worked out well," said Ben happily.
"Indeed," concurred Hugh.
They continued walking for another two minutes before something began to occur to Hugh.
"Let me get this straight," he said. "Now we don't get paid at all?"
Ben blinked.
"Uh..." he blurted.
"If we helped her get away, we might have been paid what she owed us plus a small bonus."
"Or we could have been locked up by the police."
"True, but they really can't do much out here. It's not in their jurisdiction is it?"
"How should I know?"
But before Hugh could go into detail about why Ben should know about police jurisdiction in Bermuda, Grace leapt off a high rail and brought them down painfully to the deck.
"You bastards," she sneered under her breath.
Hugh and Ben trotted off merrily as Grace was dragged away behind them.
"Well that worked out well," said Ben happily.
"Indeed," concurred Hugh.
They continued walking for another two minutes before something began to occur to Hugh.
"Let me get this straight," he said. "Now we don't get paid at all?"
Ben blinked.
"Uh..." he blurted.
"If we helped her get away, we might have been paid what she owed us plus a small bonus."
"Or we could have been locked up by the police."
"True, but they really can't do much out here. It's not in their jurisdiction is it?"
"How should I know?"
But before Hugh could go into detail about why Ben should know about police jurisdiction in Bermuda, Grace leapt off a high rail and brought them down painfully to the deck.
"You bastards," she sneered under her breath.
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XXVI
Ben Hansen
"Not really," Ben said, "It's rotten. And besides, now we can get food from the ship, the death of these beautiful creatures is a travesty carried out by such monsters as Grace and the Japanese."
"Hippy," Hugh muttered under his breath. And then they were on the ship.
"Ah, dangit," Grace's voice came from ahead. "Our friends survived."
And indeed they had. From the next corner came the two policemen from the last time they were on the ship, dangling Grace a good foot above the ground between them.
"Well well, looky here," one said.
"Your friends decided to come too, did they?" added the other.
"We knew if we kept the ship from sinking and the survivors from being rescued long enough we'd stumble onto you eventually," the first continued.
After a brief search for something to add, the second said "fuckwits."
"But we have nothing to do with her!" Hugh appealed.
"But you were with her for some time, under her employ, and you didn't do anything to stop her," said the second policeman.
"That's aiding and abetting, that is," the first agreed.
"But we weren't aiding her in her whaling exploits at all," Ben said.
"Are you telling us that you had no idea she whaled?" the first man asked.
"Not until just before you arrested us," Hugh said.
"That's long enough," one of the policemen said, though Ben and Hugh had lost track of the conversation's beginning and couldn't recall if he was the first or second. "We'll see you in court."
"Look, I'll tell you what," Ben said. "I'm getting really sick of this whole thing, so how's this? We all fly back home, you put Grace up for whaling, we testify that we've witnessed Grace try to whale, and you let us go with a small fee for our time?"
"Hmmmmmmmm..." The policemen considered it.
"You can even drop the small fee," Hugh added, oblivious to Ben's latest icy glare.
"But have you actually seen her whale?" one of the police asked.
"She was doing it all the time we were on that raft," Hugh said.
"Do you have any proof?"
"We have this harpoon with her fingerprints on it," Ben said, holding the harpoon with a bit of cloth.
"You backstabbing bastards!" Grace screamed, but nobody was paying attention to her.
"So do we have a deal?" Hugh asked.
"We do," an unspecified policeman agreed. And it was so.
"Not really," Ben said, "It's rotten. And besides, now we can get food from the ship, the death of these beautiful creatures is a travesty carried out by such monsters as Grace and the Japanese."
"Hippy," Hugh muttered under his breath. And then they were on the ship.
"Ah, dangit," Grace's voice came from ahead. "Our friends survived."
And indeed they had. From the next corner came the two policemen from the last time they were on the ship, dangling Grace a good foot above the ground between them.
"Well well, looky here," one said.
"Your friends decided to come too, did they?" added the other.
"We knew if we kept the ship from sinking and the survivors from being rescued long enough we'd stumble onto you eventually," the first continued.
After a brief search for something to add, the second said "fuckwits."
"But we have nothing to do with her!" Hugh appealed.
"But you were with her for some time, under her employ, and you didn't do anything to stop her," said the second policeman.
"That's aiding and abetting, that is," the first agreed.
"But we weren't aiding her in her whaling exploits at all," Ben said.
"Are you telling us that you had no idea she whaled?" the first man asked.
"Not until just before you arrested us," Hugh said.
"That's long enough," one of the policemen said, though Ben and Hugh had lost track of the conversation's beginning and couldn't recall if he was the first or second. "We'll see you in court."
"Look, I'll tell you what," Ben said. "I'm getting really sick of this whole thing, so how's this? We all fly back home, you put Grace up for whaling, we testify that we've witnessed Grace try to whale, and you let us go with a small fee for our time?"
"Hmmmmmmmm..." The policemen considered it.
"You can even drop the small fee," Hugh added, oblivious to Ben's latest icy glare.
"But have you actually seen her whale?" one of the police asked.
"She was doing it all the time we were on that raft," Hugh said.
"Do you have any proof?"
"We have this harpoon with her fingerprints on it," Ben said, holding the harpoon with a bit of cloth.
"You backstabbing bastards!" Grace screamed, but nobody was paying attention to her.
"So do we have a deal?" Hugh asked.
"We do," an unspecified policeman agreed. And it was so.
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XXV
Hugh Hamilton
"Yes," said Grace, "though it certainly doesn't look like one."
But before Ben or Hugh could find it in the sky, another thick, engulfing mist surrounded them and made sure that nothing could be seen. Then the sea started to roll sickeningly. Their hearts leapt into their mouths each time the wave hit its peak and then sunk to their shoes when it finally crashed down again. Eventually the fog, along with the sea, started to settle and clear.
"What on earth," Hugh said, "is that?"
He pointed towards a group of strangely shaped figures swimming towards a little island.
"I guess we'll find out," replied Ben as the debris they were sitting on started to float.
A short while later, they slid to a stop in the sand.
"There sure are a lot of these little islands around here," commented Hugh.
Grace, already off the boat, exclaimed something that sounded like: "Hey look at that!" and, in fact, was.
They looked at 'that'.
"Hey it's the ship," said a surprised Ben.
The ship they had cruised to Bermuda on was wedged into the shallows at a 37 degree angle about three hundreds metres from the shore.
"And I think I see people on that island over there," added Grace.
Hugh and Ben squinted intently.
"Maybe," said Ben, "they are the rest of the passengers."
"Either way," said Grace, "I think we should scavenge what we can from the ship."
"Agreed!" agreed Hugh.
As they waded through the water, they noticed a beached Whale.
"Ah, good," Hugh said quietly.
"Yes," said Grace, "though it certainly doesn't look like one."
But before Ben or Hugh could find it in the sky, another thick, engulfing mist surrounded them and made sure that nothing could be seen. Then the sea started to roll sickeningly. Their hearts leapt into their mouths each time the wave hit its peak and then sunk to their shoes when it finally crashed down again. Eventually the fog, along with the sea, started to settle and clear.
"What on earth," Hugh said, "is that?"
He pointed towards a group of strangely shaped figures swimming towards a little island.
"I guess we'll find out," replied Ben as the debris they were sitting on started to float.
A short while later, they slid to a stop in the sand.
"There sure are a lot of these little islands around here," commented Hugh.
Grace, already off the boat, exclaimed something that sounded like: "Hey look at that!" and, in fact, was.
They looked at 'that'.
"Hey it's the ship," said a surprised Ben.
The ship they had cruised to Bermuda on was wedged into the shallows at a 37 degree angle about three hundreds metres from the shore.
"And I think I see people on that island over there," added Grace.
Hugh and Ben squinted intently.
"Maybe," said Ben, "they are the rest of the passengers."
"Either way," said Grace, "I think we should scavenge what we can from the ship."
"Agreed!" agreed Hugh.
As they waded through the water, they noticed a beached Whale.
"Ah, good," Hugh said quietly.
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XXIV
Ben Hansen
Three days later, all that Grace had caught were two trout and, against all probability, a boot. By this time, the novelty had thoroughly worn off.
"So... Do you have any threes?" Ben asked Hugh, who'd just happened to have a pack of cards in his pocket.
"Ben, we're playing blackjack," Hugh replied.
"Oh... I'm bust then," Ben answered.
After a short pause, Grace asked "Do you hear that?"
"Yes," Hugh said.
"Sorta sounds like a rescue plane, doesn't it?" Ben added.
Three days later, all that Grace had caught were two trout and, against all probability, a boot. By this time, the novelty had thoroughly worn off.
"So... Do you have any threes?" Ben asked Hugh, who'd just happened to have a pack of cards in his pocket.
"Ben, we're playing blackjack," Hugh replied.
"Oh... I'm bust then," Ben answered.
After a short pause, Grace asked "Do you hear that?"
"Yes," Hugh said.
"Sorta sounds like a rescue plane, doesn't it?" Ben added.
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XXIII
Hugh Hamilton
Hugh watched Grace curiously as she held the harpoon aloft above the water.
"What's the attraction of Whaling?" he asked casually.
Grace paused for a moment and pondered the question.
"Is it the money?" he prodded.
"No," she said defiantly, "and it's not the taste either."
"Then what?"
"Moby Dick," she admitted.
"Really?"
"Yes," she replied.
"You're not looking for a White Whale are you?"
"No. I guess reading the book just started up a romantic notion of Whaling on the high seas."
"It didn't live up to your fantasy right?"
"Yeah, but it was all I had. I know I'll eventually have to get real job and start rotting like everyone else. I decided Whaling was cruel a long time ago."
"Caught one yet?"
"No."
"Damn. I'm hungry"
Hugh watched Grace curiously as she held the harpoon aloft above the water.
"What's the attraction of Whaling?" he asked casually.
Grace paused for a moment and pondered the question.
"Is it the money?" he prodded.
"No," she said defiantly, "and it's not the taste either."
"Then what?"
"Moby Dick," she admitted.
"Really?"
"Yes," she replied.
"You're not looking for a White Whale are you?"
"No. I guess reading the book just started up a romantic notion of Whaling on the high seas."
"It didn't live up to your fantasy right?"
"Yeah, but it was all I had. I know I'll eventually have to get real job and start rotting like everyone else. I decided Whaling was cruel a long time ago."
"Caught one yet?"
"No."
"Damn. I'm hungry"
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XXII
Ben Hansen
"Well, that was... excessive," Ben said as the island faded to nothing but a distant tendril of smoke.
"It was," Hugh replied. There was a pause that lasted for a long time while they thought of something to say or do.
"Where are we?" Grace asked after a while.
"Middle of the ocean," Hugh answered.
"Big ocean," said Ben, tanning himself.
"It is," Grace responded. Another pause.
"Do you think there are whales out here?" Grace asked after a while.
"You STILL want to go whaling?" Ben exploded.
"Yes," Grace said.
After a shorter pause than the other two, Hugh said "Do you have a harpoon or anything?"
"Yep." Grace grinned and plucked a harpoon seemingly out of the air.
"Good, catch us some food," Hugh replied.
"Well, that was... excessive," Ben said as the island faded to nothing but a distant tendril of smoke.
"It was," Hugh replied. There was a pause that lasted for a long time while they thought of something to say or do.
"Where are we?" Grace asked after a while.
"Middle of the ocean," Hugh answered.
"Big ocean," said Ben, tanning himself.
"It is," Grace responded. Another pause.
"Do you think there are whales out here?" Grace asked after a while.
"You STILL want to go whaling?" Ben exploded.
"Yes," Grace said.
After a shorter pause than the other two, Hugh said "Do you have a harpoon or anything?"
"Yep." Grace grinned and plucked a harpoon seemingly out of the air.
"Good, catch us some food," Hugh replied.
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XXI
Hugh Hamilton
As they trudged off reluctantly towards the airport, an enormous ear splitting explosion rang out from the north.
"Jesus!" exclaimed Grace, looking up at the disturbingly unstable volcano on the other side of the island.
"Christ!" added Hugh as molten lava bubbled sickeningly out of the peak.
"Almighty!" completed Ben as red hot rolling streams defecated the airport below.
They ran to the beach and leapt into the waves before their side of the island was cooked. They watched in horror as lava tore off chunks of land and spat them into the sea.
"Holy!" cried Grace.
"Moly!" cried Ben.
Hugh bobbed impatiently and glared at Ben while a blackened piece of flak landed dangerously close to Grace.
"I think we should keep swimming," said Grace with her eyes fixed on the floating debris. They agreed.
When they were a safe distance away, they stopped and caught their breath.
"Where to now?" asked Ben.
"Let's head for those plane ruins," replied Grace.
They swam and climbed onto the half submerged wreckage.
"OK," said Ben, "what now?"
"Hoist up the John B sails!" said Hugh and smiled.
Ben shrugged and lay back on the warm metal. Hugh did the same. Grace turned her head and watched the island die slowly in the distance.
As they trudged off reluctantly towards the airport, an enormous ear splitting explosion rang out from the north.
"Jesus!" exclaimed Grace, looking up at the disturbingly unstable volcano on the other side of the island.
"Christ!" added Hugh as molten lava bubbled sickeningly out of the peak.
"Almighty!" completed Ben as red hot rolling streams defecated the airport below.
They ran to the beach and leapt into the waves before their side of the island was cooked. They watched in horror as lava tore off chunks of land and spat them into the sea.
"Holy!" cried Grace.
"Moly!" cried Ben.
Hugh bobbed impatiently and glared at Ben while a blackened piece of flak landed dangerously close to Grace.
"I think we should keep swimming," said Grace with her eyes fixed on the floating debris. They agreed.
When they were a safe distance away, they stopped and caught their breath.
"Where to now?" asked Ben.
"Let's head for those plane ruins," replied Grace.
They swam and climbed onto the half submerged wreckage.
"OK," said Ben, "what now?"
"Hoist up the John B sails!" said Hugh and smiled.
Ben shrugged and lay back on the warm metal. Hugh did the same. Grace turned her head and watched the island die slowly in the distance.
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XX
Ben Hansen
Fifteen minutes later, Ben, Hugh and Grace were gulping in air on the beach of the island. Eventually, however, they had to move. Ben was the first to do so. Sitting up, he looked around. Then he went behind a tree for a couple of minutes for... personal hygiene reasons.
When he came back, Hugh was trying to start a fire and Grace had wandered up the coast a little.
"Hugh," said Ben, "is it just me or is this island oddly familiar?"
"I know what you mean," Hugh said. "I have this weird feeling of deja-vu."
Just then, Grace yelled from up the beach, "Hey! I found some wreckage from... a plane or something! It looks like a wing!"
Ben and Hugh groaned. Now they knew why the place looked so familiar.
"Do you remember the way to the airport?" Ben asked Hugh. "The one that doesn't wander through a massive labyrinth, that is."
Fifteen minutes later, Ben, Hugh and Grace were gulping in air on the beach of the island. Eventually, however, they had to move. Ben was the first to do so. Sitting up, he looked around. Then he went behind a tree for a couple of minutes for... personal hygiene reasons.
When he came back, Hugh was trying to start a fire and Grace had wandered up the coast a little.
"Hugh," said Ben, "is it just me or is this island oddly familiar?"
"I know what you mean," Hugh said. "I have this weird feeling of deja-vu."
Just then, Grace yelled from up the beach, "Hey! I found some wreckage from... a plane or something! It looks like a wing!"
Ben and Hugh groaned. Now they knew why the place looked so familiar.
"Do you remember the way to the airport?" Ben asked Hugh. "The one that doesn't wander through a massive labyrinth, that is."
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XIX
Hugh Hamilton
"Where have the cops gone?" said Hugh in a panic frenzy.
"How should I know?" replied Ben coldly. "I can't see anything."
"Grace?" Hugh called out.
"What?"
"Can you see anything?"
"No."
"Do you have any idea how to get these handcuffs off?" asked Hugh.
"Yes," said Grace.
"Really? How?"
"First you'll need a key…"
Hugh glared at the mist where the voice came from.
"I suggest we break off this bar first. Then we can at least we can move around," Ben said.
"Yes but how?" screamed a hysterical Hugh.
"I don't know, kick it?"
Suddenly a big crack erupted from their left.
"What was that?" enquired Grace.
The other two remained in silent horror.
"Hey look!" she said. "I think I see the policeman."
"Where!?" said Hugh.
"There, just near the front of the ship."
Hugh and Ben saw them running through the mist.
"Hey!" they all called out.
The two cop-shaped figures stopped dead in their tracks.
"What?" they replied.
"Take the damn handcuffs off!!"
"No, we're in a hurry."
"What!?"
"We're in a hurry."
"For God's sake!"
"Look, we have to go."
"Just throw us the keys!"
"What, from here?"
"Yes!"
"I can't throw that far!"
"Then walk over here and give it to us."
"We haven't the time. The ship seems to be sinking."
"Throw the Goddamn keys!"
"We're probably all going to die in a minute — I suggest you don't colour your insults with the heavenly father."
"There is no heavenly father!"
"You Satanists can die then!"
"Fine!"
"Hugh!" screamed Ben. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing, why?"
"Don't argue with our only chance!"
"What about your kick idea?"
"Jesus!" cursed Ben.
"Please give us the keys!" pleaded Grace.
"I can't!"
"Yes you can!"
"Oh jeez."
"Look, just give them the keys and we can get out of here."
"All right."
They heard a jangley clunk.
"Where did that land?"
There was a brief scrambling before the keys were found and used.
"Where to now?"
"Where to now?"
Asked Hugh and Ben respectively.
"I think we should jump off before that wall collapses," said Grace.
They silently agreed and jumped off before the wall collapsed.
"Now where to?"
"Let's head towards that mysterious island."
"Where have the cops gone?" said Hugh in a panic frenzy.
"How should I know?" replied Ben coldly. "I can't see anything."
"Grace?" Hugh called out.
"What?"
"Can you see anything?"
"No."
"Do you have any idea how to get these handcuffs off?" asked Hugh.
"Yes," said Grace.
"Really? How?"
"First you'll need a key…"
Hugh glared at the mist where the voice came from.
"I suggest we break off this bar first. Then we can at least we can move around," Ben said.
"Yes but how?" screamed a hysterical Hugh.
"I don't know, kick it?"
Suddenly a big crack erupted from their left.
"What was that?" enquired Grace.
The other two remained in silent horror.
"Hey look!" she said. "I think I see the policeman."
"Where!?" said Hugh.
"There, just near the front of the ship."
Hugh and Ben saw them running through the mist.
"Hey!" they all called out.
The two cop-shaped figures stopped dead in their tracks.
"What?" they replied.
"Take the damn handcuffs off!!"
"No, we're in a hurry."
"What!?"
"We're in a hurry."
"For God's sake!"
"Look, we have to go."
"Just throw us the keys!"
"What, from here?"
"Yes!"
"I can't throw that far!"
"Then walk over here and give it to us."
"We haven't the time. The ship seems to be sinking."
"Throw the Goddamn keys!"
"We're probably all going to die in a minute — I suggest you don't colour your insults with the heavenly father."
"There is no heavenly father!"
"You Satanists can die then!"
"Fine!"
"Hugh!" screamed Ben. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing, why?"
"Don't argue with our only chance!"
"What about your kick idea?"
"Jesus!" cursed Ben.
"Please give us the keys!" pleaded Grace.
"I can't!"
"Yes you can!"
"Oh jeez."
"Look, just give them the keys and we can get out of here."
"All right."
They heard a jangley clunk.
"Where did that land?"
There was a brief scrambling before the keys were found and used.
"Where to now?"
"Where to now?"
Asked Hugh and Ben respectively.
"I think we should jump off before that wall collapses," said Grace.
They silently agreed and jumped off before the wall collapsed.
"Now where to?"
"Let's head towards that mysterious island."
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XVIII
Ben Hansen
"Well, this was unexpected."
"Who said that?"
"Ben, can't you tell from my voice?"
"Um... No."
"Who am I talking to, anyway?"
"Me."
"Yes..."
"Yes."
"What's your name?"
"Me?"
"The person I was just talking to."
"This is getting ridiculous."
"Yes it is, Grace."
"I'm Hugh!"
"OK..."
"I'm thinking we should try to get out of here or something."
"I was just thinking that."
"Me too."
And then the aliens came.
"Well, this was unexpected."
"Who said that?"
"Ben, can't you tell from my voice?"
"Um... No."
"Who am I talking to, anyway?"
"Me."
"Yes..."
"Yes."
"What's your name?"
"Me?"
"The person I was just talking to."
"This is getting ridiculous."
"Yes it is, Grace."
"I'm Hugh!"
"OK..."
"I'm thinking we should try to get out of here or something."
"I was just thinking that."
"Me too."
And then the aliens came.
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XVII
Hugh Hamilton
"Hey," protested Hugh, "can you open the wall so I can get in?"
There was no response.
"Oh great."
Suddenly the door spun round.
"Ben?"
He walked cautiously into the darkness.
"Hello?"
A light flickered on.
"Ben?"
"Yes?" said Ben
"Miss Waeford!?"
"Actually," said Ben, "meet Grace."
"Hello," said Grace in a gorgeously elaborate ruffled red dress.
"Oh," Hugh managed to say. "Um, can I've an explanation please?"
"I think one is in order," agreed Ben.
They looked at Grace expectantly.
She chuckled.
"It's perfectly simple," she said. "As I just told you, I am Grace, Grace Trevor, not the other way round as I led you to believe. Anyway, I searched the phone book and, unable to find a perfect match, found the next best thing, someone called Trevor Grace. I quickly tracked him down and convinced him that he had won a prize through a random name draw, a trip on a cruise ship. That is when I contacted you to blackmail him. The reason behind all this was that I am being hunted by the Whaling division of the police force. They didn’t know who I was or what I looked like; they just knew my rather ambiguous name. So I hired a fake informant to tell them that I was planning to go on a cruise and jump ship near Bermuda to whale. Soon enough they found their man and along with him they found two private detectives snooping around. They were completely convinced they had found the right man. Seeing him throw you overboard added the final nail in his coffin. No lawyer could defend him, leaving me to continue whaling free from any interference. I will be essentially non existent when I change my name.”
“What an unusual plan,” commented Hugh. “But what about all that number swapping?”
“Ah, that,” she said. “That wasn’t originally part of the plan. I never managed to create a convincing alias in time for the trip, so I had to use my name or they wouldn’t let me on. I bribed the official so he wouldn’t tell anyone there was another Grace on board but the captain mixed up the records and informed you of where MY cabin was. Thinking on my feat I quickly swapped the numbers around and built a janitor’s closet in the front of my room. Luckily you didn’t notice and went into the right room.”
“That really doesn’t make much sense,” said Ben.
“That’s life boys,” she said.
“Are we still getting paid?” inquired Hugh.
“Yes, as long as you don’t talk and as long as you confirm that the other Grace is a whaler if the police ask you.”
“Ah, good,” Hugh nodded. “Why did you just tell us your plan then?”
“How else would anybody know about it? It’s not like you would have uncovered it yourself. People need some narrative closure.”
“I hate that word,” said Hugh.
Suddenly the two drunk men burst in the room. Grace’s heartbeat quickly doubled.
“Hello Grace,” said one, revealing a police badge.
The other one did the same.
They led Hugh, Ben and Grace out onto the deck and handcuffed them to the bars.
“We were just rehearsing a play,” Ben screamed.
Hugh and Grace gave him a cold glare. Ben sighed. All of a sudden the boat lurched forward and stopped abruptly. An engulfing mist surrounded them until nothing could be seen.
"Hey," protested Hugh, "can you open the wall so I can get in?"
There was no response.
"Oh great."
Suddenly the door spun round.
"Ben?"
He walked cautiously into the darkness.
"Hello?"
A light flickered on.
"Ben?"
"Yes?" said Ben
"Miss Waeford!?"
"Actually," said Ben, "meet Grace."
"Hello," said Grace in a gorgeously elaborate ruffled red dress.
"Oh," Hugh managed to say. "Um, can I've an explanation please?"
"I think one is in order," agreed Ben.
They looked at Grace expectantly.
She chuckled.
"It's perfectly simple," she said. "As I just told you, I am Grace, Grace Trevor, not the other way round as I led you to believe. Anyway, I searched the phone book and, unable to find a perfect match, found the next best thing, someone called Trevor Grace. I quickly tracked him down and convinced him that he had won a prize through a random name draw, a trip on a cruise ship. That is when I contacted you to blackmail him. The reason behind all this was that I am being hunted by the Whaling division of the police force. They didn’t know who I was or what I looked like; they just knew my rather ambiguous name. So I hired a fake informant to tell them that I was planning to go on a cruise and jump ship near Bermuda to whale. Soon enough they found their man and along with him they found two private detectives snooping around. They were completely convinced they had found the right man. Seeing him throw you overboard added the final nail in his coffin. No lawyer could defend him, leaving me to continue whaling free from any interference. I will be essentially non existent when I change my name.”
“What an unusual plan,” commented Hugh. “But what about all that number swapping?”
“Ah, that,” she said. “That wasn’t originally part of the plan. I never managed to create a convincing alias in time for the trip, so I had to use my name or they wouldn’t let me on. I bribed the official so he wouldn’t tell anyone there was another Grace on board but the captain mixed up the records and informed you of where MY cabin was. Thinking on my feat I quickly swapped the numbers around and built a janitor’s closet in the front of my room. Luckily you didn’t notice and went into the right room.”
“That really doesn’t make much sense,” said Ben.
“That’s life boys,” she said.
“Are we still getting paid?” inquired Hugh.
“Yes, as long as you don’t talk and as long as you confirm that the other Grace is a whaler if the police ask you.”
“Ah, good,” Hugh nodded. “Why did you just tell us your plan then?”
“How else would anybody know about it? It’s not like you would have uncovered it yourself. People need some narrative closure.”
“I hate that word,” said Hugh.
Suddenly the two drunk men burst in the room. Grace’s heartbeat quickly doubled.
“Hello Grace,” said one, revealing a police badge.
The other one did the same.
They led Hugh, Ben and Grace out onto the deck and handcuffed them to the bars.
“We were just rehearsing a play,” Ben screamed.
Hugh and Grace gave him a cold glare. Ben sighed. All of a sudden the boat lurched forward and stopped abruptly. An engulfing mist surrounded them until nothing could be seen.
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XVI
Ben Hansen
"Okay, something has obviously gone awry here," Ben said.
"Yes it has," Hugh said, grasping for something more expressive. "Um... So... We should go and see the captain again."
"Indeed we should," Ben replied. "But first, let's look around here for a bit." He leaned against a wall, surveying the room.
"Were you expecting that?" Asked Hugh a second later.
"The wall to spin around when I leaned against it? Not really," came a muffled voice from the other side.
"I didn't think there'd be a secret door on a ship," Hugh mused.
"No, it's certainly a novelty," Ben replied. "Now help me get out of here... oh wait... I think I've found Grace."
"Okay, something has obviously gone awry here," Ben said.
"Yes it has," Hugh said, grasping for something more expressive. "Um... So... We should go and see the captain again."
"Indeed we should," Ben replied. "But first, let's look around here for a bit." He leaned against a wall, surveying the room.
"Were you expecting that?" Asked Hugh a second later.
"The wall to spin around when I leaned against it? Not really," came a muffled voice from the other side.
"I didn't think there'd be a secret door on a ship," Hugh mused.
"No, it's certainly a novelty," Ben replied. "Now help me get out of here... oh wait... I think I've found Grace."
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XV
Hugh Hamilton
"You know," said Hugh, "we must have been REAL idiots not to notice that 16 came after 18."
"Yes," agreed Ben, "especially since we were going in numerical order."
"It's hard to believe we were that stupid!"
"I know."
"Also, I am quite troubled with the 19," Hugh said. "I mean, unless someone tampered with it, there's no way it could have flipped around without looking lopsided."
"How do you mean?" asked Ben.
"Well, generally if you were going to nail a number to the wall you would use at least two nails: one for the top and one for the bottom. And if you had a third one, it would rest in the middle. This would be the smartest way to ensure its stability. If they chose the three-nail option, which they did in this case, and one nail came out, then the number would still stay upright. The only way for it to spin around would be to remove the top AND the bottom nail. And even then it wouldn't spin around on it's own, as the nail is right in the middle. It would first have to be loosened first, before it could be spun. And even then the spin would be incredibly difficult — the numbers were only a couple of inches apart so it would be virtually impossible to spin them successfully. Also, any spin from any nail in the 9 would make a 6 that wasn't on line with or close enough to the 1. The only way to achieve such deception would be to remove the 9 completely and re-nail it as a 6. This leads me to believe that something is going on here. Something beyond a pathetic plot cover-up."
"I see," saw Ben.
"But if there is something going on here — a plan to fool us — then they would have to count on us being so stupid that we wouldn't notice that the 16 wasn't in the right spot numerically."
"Hey I just remembered something!" exclaimed Ben. "Grace never carried me out of his cabin — I don't know what I was thinking. I recall being at the rail by the side of the ship when he grabbed me. I only saw the mistake we'd made with the cabin when I came back aboard the ship."
"Oh," said Hugh.
And so they arrived at the second 16, though it wasn't actually a 16. It was a 19 that came after 15 and before 17. Hugh and Ben scratched their heads in bemusement and tried the door. It opened. They peered inside and saw a janitor’s closet, no more then a metre in length and width and filled with mops, uniforms and brooms.
"You know," said Hugh, "we must have been REAL idiots not to notice that 16 came after 18."
"Yes," agreed Ben, "especially since we were going in numerical order."
"It's hard to believe we were that stupid!"
"I know."
"Also, I am quite troubled with the 19," Hugh said. "I mean, unless someone tampered with it, there's no way it could have flipped around without looking lopsided."
"How do you mean?" asked Ben.
"Well, generally if you were going to nail a number to the wall you would use at least two nails: one for the top and one for the bottom. And if you had a third one, it would rest in the middle. This would be the smartest way to ensure its stability. If they chose the three-nail option, which they did in this case, and one nail came out, then the number would still stay upright. The only way for it to spin around would be to remove the top AND the bottom nail. And even then it wouldn't spin around on it's own, as the nail is right in the middle. It would first have to be loosened first, before it could be spun. And even then the spin would be incredibly difficult — the numbers were only a couple of inches apart so it would be virtually impossible to spin them successfully. Also, any spin from any nail in the 9 would make a 6 that wasn't on line with or close enough to the 1. The only way to achieve such deception would be to remove the 9 completely and re-nail it as a 6. This leads me to believe that something is going on here. Something beyond a pathetic plot cover-up."
"I see," saw Ben.
"But if there is something going on here — a plan to fool us — then they would have to count on us being so stupid that we wouldn't notice that the 16 wasn't in the right spot numerically."
"Hey I just remembered something!" exclaimed Ben. "Grace never carried me out of his cabin — I don't know what I was thinking. I recall being at the rail by the side of the ship when he grabbed me. I only saw the mistake we'd made with the cabin when I came back aboard the ship."
"Oh," said Hugh.
And so they arrived at the second 16, though it wasn't actually a 16. It was a 19 that came after 15 and before 17. Hugh and Ben scratched their heads in bemusement and tried the door. It opened. They peered inside and saw a janitor’s closet, no more then a metre in length and width and filled with mops, uniforms and brooms.
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XIV
Ben Hansen
Two hours later, Hugh ran into a sopping wet Ben.
"What the hell happened to you?" Hugh asked.
"I ran into Grace, who punished me for my love of whaling. What have you been up to?"
"I've been hiding in our cabin like we were SUPPOSED to do," Hugh replied.
"Hmm. Fun. Oh, by the way, I learned why it was that Grace and our profile didn't match up."
"Yes?"
"We were in the wrong cabin. You see, as Grace was carrying me out of his cabin I saw that it was number 19. The 9 had lost a screw and spun around to look like a 6. Grace was the other person's FIRST name, which is why he introduced himself like that, which was a massive coincidence."
Hugh looked at this from all angles, then said "That was a bloody long speech."
"Mm."
"I guess you should dry yourself off and we should visit cabin 16 then."
Two hours later, Hugh ran into a sopping wet Ben.
"What the hell happened to you?" Hugh asked.
"I ran into Grace, who punished me for my love of whaling. What have you been up to?"
"I've been hiding in our cabin like we were SUPPOSED to do," Hugh replied.
"Hmm. Fun. Oh, by the way, I learned why it was that Grace and our profile didn't match up."
"Yes?"
"We were in the wrong cabin. You see, as Grace was carrying me out of his cabin I saw that it was number 19. The 9 had lost a screw and spun around to look like a 6. Grace was the other person's FIRST name, which is why he introduced himself like that, which was a massive coincidence."
Hugh looked at this from all angles, then said "That was a bloody long speech."
"Mm."
"I guess you should dry yourself off and we should visit cabin 16 then."
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XIII
Hugh Hamilton
It had. There was still the large and unsightly vomit stain on the carpet, though now it looked as though someone had made a rushed job of cleaning it up and failed miserably. The body, however, was missing. Ben took the opportunity to search the room.
Hugh awoke to the sound of laughter. He quickly climbed out of bed and looked out the door. Two men were stumbling down the corridor and bursting into hysterics at random intervals, still drunk from the previous night. Hugh quickly ducked his head back into the cabin as they grew near and waited until they passed.
Ben's search brought about the discovery of a gun, which he'd found under a wad of carefully folded red shirts in a drawer. The cold metal felt very strange in his hands; this was a new experience for him. Realising that it would be best if his fingerprints weren't on the gun, he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped it clean. All of a sudden he was aware of footsteps coming from outside. He put the gun back in the drawer and carefully peeked out into the corridor. The two drunk men stopped staggering for a moment and began looking at a light socket on the wall with great amusement. Ben quickly sped out past them and around to the side rail of the ship. He grabbed the metal bars and began to watch the sea, as any casual soul would. A dull five minutes of sight seeing passed before Ben was grabbed around the neck by Grace and thrown overboard.
It had. There was still the large and unsightly vomit stain on the carpet, though now it looked as though someone had made a rushed job of cleaning it up and failed miserably. The body, however, was missing. Ben took the opportunity to search the room.
Hugh awoke to the sound of laughter. He quickly climbed out of bed and looked out the door. Two men were stumbling down the corridor and bursting into hysterics at random intervals, still drunk from the previous night. Hugh quickly ducked his head back into the cabin as they grew near and waited until they passed.
Ben's search brought about the discovery of a gun, which he'd found under a wad of carefully folded red shirts in a drawer. The cold metal felt very strange in his hands; this was a new experience for him. Realising that it would be best if his fingerprints weren't on the gun, he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped it clean. All of a sudden he was aware of footsteps coming from outside. He put the gun back in the drawer and carefully peeked out into the corridor. The two drunk men stopped staggering for a moment and began looking at a light socket on the wall with great amusement. Ben quickly sped out past them and around to the side rail of the ship. He grabbed the metal bars and began to watch the sea, as any casual soul would. A dull five minutes of sight seeing passed before Ben was grabbed around the neck by Grace and thrown overboard.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
The Bermuda Whalers: Chapter XII
Ben Hansen
The next morning, Ben got up early as always. He practiced his banjo for a short while, but Hugh didn't stir. Sighing, he eventually put it down.
After a short while, Ben realised that if nobody had come searching for them yet then probably they were okay. Thinking so, he left the cabin and got some breakfast.
No sooner had he gotten himself a foot-high stack of pancakes dripping with golden syrup than he realised that something was up. Everybody was acting too...normally. Stalking quietly around for a few minutes, Ben quickly discovered that nobody had seen or heard any mention of unconscious people. Even more quickly, Ben finished his pancakes and then he left to look in cabin 16 to learn if the previous night had in fact occurred.
The next morning, Ben got up early as always. He practiced his banjo for a short while, but Hugh didn't stir. Sighing, he eventually put it down.
After a short while, Ben realised that if nobody had come searching for them yet then probably they were okay. Thinking so, he left the cabin and got some breakfast.
No sooner had he gotten himself a foot-high stack of pancakes dripping with golden syrup than he realised that something was up. Everybody was acting too...normally. Stalking quietly around for a few minutes, Ben quickly discovered that nobody had seen or heard any mention of unconscious people. Even more quickly, Ben finished his pancakes and then he left to look in cabin 16 to learn if the previous night had in fact occurred.
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