The Dead Monkey: Chapter X

Hugh Hamilton

A brief pause erupted.
"By the way," began Ben a little while later, "did our friend Humph actually have the opal?"
"I don't think so," replied Hugh.
"Do you reckon he's guilty?"
"No… Somehow I don't think he's the type to kill a monkey." Hugh said before adding "Bird."
"Huh?"
"I said 'bird'."
"Yes but why?"
"To kill a monkey-bird."
Ben slapped Hugh painfully across the small of his back.
"Any other suspects?" asked Hugh, nursing his recently reddened back.
"No, he's the only one so far."
"Rats."
But before Ben could say “Mice”, a car slid out in front of them and crashed into a fruit shop. Fortunately our friends weren't the least bit injured, just mildly shook up. Uh huh. They waded through a pool of oranges to peer through the window of the destroyed car and were very surprised to find a familiar looking body looking weakly back at them.
"Grace?" asked our interchangeable heroes.
"Hi," murmured Grace. "Can you help me?"
"Take you to a hospital?" suggested Ben.
"No, definitely not. Just take me somewhere to sleep. I need to tell you something."
Hugh and Ben made a sorry, inefficient job of carrying Grace back to their office and placed her on the couch. The time eventually reached ten thirty and Ben got up to leave. He made it to the door of the office before he looked back at Hugh.
"Aren't you going home?" he asked.
"No, I think I'll sleep here tonight," replied a red-faced Hugh. "In case she needs... help."
Ben glared intently at his similar half in disgust.
"No! I wasn't going to..." protested Hugh. "...I can't believe you'd even think such a thing."
"No?" mocked Ben.
"No! Of course not! You know me."
"Yes, yes I do."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing."
"Hey, you got to be with that couple."
"Ah, so you admit it."
"No, I just wanted to... Ah!"
"I'll bet you do."
"No, no! I just wanted to sleep here. I wasn't going to do anything."
"Why then?"
"I've never slept in the same room as a woman before."
"Really?"
"Oh shut up, you haven't either."
"Actually, I have."
"You have not!"
"In fact I've got a date tonight."
"At ten thirty?"
Ben raised his eyebrows suggestively.
"Col…"
"I think you'll find it's Ben."
"What did I say?"
"Col."
"Did I?"
"Yes."
"Oh. Sorry."
"What's so special about merely sleeping in the room with another woman anyway?" asked Ben after a pause.
"It all comes down to a simple euphemism," replied Hugh.
"Yes?"
"You see now I can say I've slept with a woman."
"Please tell me you haven't done all this just for that joke..."
"No, but let's say I did." Hugh got to his feet and joined Ben at the door.
They stood for a ponderous moment and watched the ruffled blue dress around Grace rise and fall with every breath before they stepped out into the cold night and locked the door.