The Case Before Christmas: Chapter XIII

Ben Hansen

"As in, your mum did it?" asked Hugh, anticipating a possible ending to one of the longest days in his life in the near future.

"As in, mum's the word."

"Yes! And - what?"

"It's a secret, you doofus."

"So you DO know something!" Ben cried, reaching the uptake at his own speed.

"But I'm not telling you, you see," replied Shelly.

"Ahh," Ben said, for want of anything useful.

"In that case we'll just have to arrest you," challenged Hugh.

"What on earth for?" Shelly asked, calling his bluff.

"For witholding information from the police and conspiracy to commit murder."

"Are you police agents?"

"Well, not as such," Hugh admitted, a mild blush rising.

"Then I haven't witheld information from any. And since when were people legally required to answer everything anyway?"

"We could arrest you for tampering with a crime scene?" Ben offered.

"Tampering wi - When did I tamper with a crime scene?"

"Just a few hours ago," Ben offered triumphantly, "when you hid this half of a message in a bloody couch!"
Were they on the same side of this argument, Hugh and Shelly would have exchanged looks. As it was, each of them had to make do exchanging looks with themselves, leaving them with looks of similar condition to when they began.

"I live there too," Shelly explained, slowly enough for Ben to follow along. "I left that note there before there was a stabbing, and hence a crime scene."

"Ah," said Ben, and he stood back looking satisfied.

"What about copyright infringement?" Hugh asked after a moment, feeling desperate.

"What?"

"Well," Hugh said, a note of confidence sneaking into his voice and stealing all the towels, "We have written evidence here that indicates you've been working for some time on downloading one of the more commercially viable sitcoms. I think that counts as -"

And then Shelly snatched the note out of his hand and, looking triumphant, tore it to pieces.

"And NOW you're tampering with evidence," Ben snarled. "As soon as our boys piece this paper together, we'll have you on ice."

"On ice?" Shelly queried.

"It means imprisoned. Were it up to me, I'd be all about having you under a paper cocktail umbrella, but federal law keeps a lot of fun things out of the equation."

Somehow, this actually served to worry Shelly. "Why, you conniving little-"

"Slander!" Hugh cried with glee.

"I never -" Shelly began.

"Perjury!" Hugh exclaimed.

"Look, if I tell you people what I know, will you go away?" Shelly asked.

"Bingo!" Ben declared happily.

"Okay. You see, at the house last night -"

"Yahtzee!"

"He means go on," Hugh advised the grouchy greengrocer, kicking ben in the foot.

"You sunk my battleship!"

"As I said, it started at the house last night," said Shelly as she'd said. "I had just got home, when..."