The Case Before Christmas: Chapter VII

Ben Hansen

"To the greengrocer!" Ben declared, finger pointed upward in an uncharacteristically focused pose.
"The greengrocer?"
"The greengrocer!"
"What greengrocer?"
"Oh. Um, yes. Good point. Maybe we should ask."
"Why are we asking about green groceries, exactly? And who?"
Ben deflated slightly at Hugh's logical enquiries. "Well, see while you were in the colour-blind bathroom -"
"Teal."
"In the teal-blind bathroom, Hillary and I had a tete-a-tete regarding the only piece of evidence in the room."
"Oh, the bloodstained couch?"
"Okay, one of the only two pieces of evidence in the room."
"Oh, the chair."
"One of the only four pieces of evidence in the room," Ben said, beginning to sweat.
"Let's see, there was the chair, the couch, the knife she kicked out of the room while she was going to mix us our drinks..."
"Totally saw that coming."
"...And the half of a note I found under one of the couch's cushions," Hugh said, pulling it fastidiously from one of his many layers' pockets.
"Okay, so there was a pile of evidence I didn't see."
"Must have been too colourful for you."
"Whatever. Point is, I found this carrot!" Ben brandished his one success of the encounter with a defensive fervour.
"Yes, that's definitely a carrot."
"Hence we should speak with our good ladyfriend's greengrocer at the nearest opportunity!"
"What about?"
"Well, about this carrot that was at the crime scene."
"What would we ask about it?"
"'Why was this carrot at the crime scene?'"
"Why would the greengrocer know or care?"
"Well, it's suspicious."
"No, it's a carrot."
"Oh, fine. FINE."
"Fine?"
"Have it your way. It's not suspicious. It's barely even a vegetable."
"Oh, it's very vegetable, really," Hugh offered, trying to cheer Ben up.
Ben was uncheered. "I don't know what I was thinking. Of course she wanted to pick it up! It was just a carrot on the carpet! What's remotely interesting about that?"
"Actually, that-"
"It's not even shaped like a penis! It's the dullest carrot I've ever seen!" Ben shouted, throwing the carrot to the ground.
Where the top broke off, revealing a cavity carefully cut into the carrot's center with a piece of paper tucked into it.