The Ming Poodle: Chapter I

Ben Hansen

The day was like any other at the Private Detective Agency Ben and Hugh owned (which had a funny name I can't think of right now). Ben was desperately snoozing, looking like he would be
busy at his work if there was anything on the desk he was sprawled across other than his body. Hugh was standing and malevolently drinking Solo at Ben. This went unnoticed by all
but Hugh and the narrator. hours passed in this way, uninterrupted except by the occasional snore or slurp, and a brief incident where Hugh spilt boiling hot coffee in his
crotch.
Then a knock came a the door, apologised, cleaned itself up and left. Ben and Hugh looked at it with the disgust such a pathetic pun deserved. Then Ben opened the door.
She was the sort of woman a Private investigator knew not to get involved with, because they always end up doing the worst case of their lives just to see her and her money again. She had the sort of legs a soundtrack editor always stuck a smoky saxaphone solo on, the breasts that the same editor would put a "boioioing" sound on and a face that was looking at Ben oddly while he paid special attention to the other details.
"I have a face you know," she said.
"I know," said Ben. The "boioioing" sound continued.
"I have a case I want you to solve."
"In that case, you've come to the right place."
"You see, my fiance's missing."
"Oh." Ben immediately gave up his fantasies, and looked at her face for the first time.
"My name is Marjorie Buttes." Hugh sniggered. she looked at him with raw hatred and continued. "The thing is, he vanished without a trace, leaving me at the altar. I called his phone, and apparently it was the number for some chinese food place. The oddest thing of all is that on the same day, he stole the Ming Poodle from my father's office. I want you to find him and bring him to my family, so we may have justice."
The Ming Poodle! It was such a famous artifact that even Ben had heard of it. however, Hugh hadn't, and said as much.
"It's a poodle statue from the Ming dynasty, idiot," said Ben. "Otherwise they wouldn't have called it that." Hugh shut up. Ben turned back to Ms. Buttes.
"How do you know he stole it?"
"Who else could it have been? It disappeared on the same day he went missing. the interesting thing is, the room was completely locked at the time. He couldn't have gotten in by the door, and it doesn't have a window..."
"That is interesting. by the way, our fees aren't small..." said Hugh.
"No, one might even say exhorbitant," added Ben. Hugh glared at him.
"Money is no object. I'll give you one priceless item a week." So saying, she gave them a maltese falcon. "You can start tomorrow."
"Okay. Now, where would your husband have been last?"
"In a hole. How the hell should I know? That's why I've hired you."
"By the way, what was your fiance's name?" asked Hugh.
"Mr. Nelson Craper," said Marjorie.
"Shame you couldn't have become Mrs. Buttes Craper," said Ben.
"Indeed. Well, I must be going." And she left.